Talking publicly and writing about my father's death has had a profound experience on my life. People have shared with me that they are now taking a deeper look at the relationships that they have in their family and want to live a happier, lighter life and let go of the past. The only credit that I will take in their journey is that we had a conversation and I listened. What once was my character defect, has become my biggest character asset.

I have always said that the past with my father was great. However, years before my father passed was amazing. The few words that he spoke were that of, "I trust you", "You've always been strong" and "When it comes to Mom, always remember...kind and gentle. Gentle and kind."

Our family house was sold last month. My sisters, nieces and nephews had a dance party just weeks before the closing. It seemed like the things to do. No furniture, just Pandora and us. Finally, after all the tears, discussions and should-of-could-of-would-ofs we let our hair down, laughed, cried and said goodbye. The boxes photos, family heirlooms, furniture, family history and the like have now made their way into our individual homes. As sisters, we decided that the next time we are all together, we will go through a box or boxes and discover what meant so very much to our parents. We are keepers of the memories and this, is my favorite job, thus far.

My amazing mother is settled into her new living space. Each time I see her, her baby blue eyes light up and she says, "Hi sweetie." So sincere and so loving. I feel my shoulders relax, I exhale deeply and hold her hand and sit. There have been times that we are together and not a lot of words are exchanged. Before, I used to love the sound of my own voice (pun, intended!), sitting in silence would have made me feel so uncomfortable; but now it's a different story. Because I'm different. Today, I can sit outside, read my daily mediations and write. And I have my mother, myself and God to thank for that.

Myself?, yes me. You cannot have a profound experience (the death of my father) and not come out a different person. Perhaps, some people do, but not me. I used the time that I had with my father (and ultimately my mother) to grow. To change. I did not know my true self, until I allowed this transformation to happen. I put myself aside, and moved my parents to the forefront of my life. I discovered my strengths; whereby silencing my weaknesses. What others thought of me and even implied what I should (or shouldn't) do because of their lack of faith in me, only fueled inner fire to do it. Flame on!

In January at a Foundation Course that I participated in I declared, "I am no longer willing to play small." What that meant to me was I was going to believe in myself first and the validation of others, second. In December of 2016, my daughter-in-law said let’s go to the beach and take some picture for the website that I am going to design for you. Wait, what pictures!? Would there be editing? A website, for what? Her response was - little editing and to the question of why you should have a website, because I believe in you and what you have to share and so do many others. Oh, and the ones that don't support your changes, well they probably don't support a lot of what you do. Her intention was to motive me and move me forward; however, that comment stung - big time. To this day, I still draw on her words because they came from a place of love and honesty.

I liked to be liked. I need to be needed. But what I have come to find is that liking and needing myself and my own validation is much more important that what you think. I have my family, a husband, children, grandchildren and a core group of men and women who think I'm good just the way I am And I'm good with that and I can breathe knowing that my insides are beginning to match by outsides and that I am going to be just fine. Just fine.

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If you get the chance take it. If it changes your life let it.